Saturday, 1 April 2017

Barely legal

Dear reader,

A few months back, I got a call from a not very famous magazine asking me if I wanted to pose for it in a very succinct manner.  Apparently, there is going to be an edition about aspirant writers who have other talents to show to the world… and what’s more attractive than a woman in Eve’s costume?

I’ve always dreamed of having a pictorial somewhere… but, as a good Catholic, the idea of showing my naked skin brought to mind the promise of burning in hell for the eternity, so I politely refused.
“Are you sure?” asked the woman on the other side.
“Not at all,” I replied with sorrow in my voice.
“Do you know that this sort of exposure would attract publishers?”
When I heard about the word Publisher, all my doubts disappeared into thin air. ‘The hell with the hell! I am doing it. I have been working so hard. I deserve this!’ I thought.

Getting naked in front of anyone else than my teddy, was really challenging. As soon as I've taken off my jeans and blue jumper, my face and half of my body transformed in a ripe tomato with white marks. Truly disgusting.
The photograph, a woman younger than me, took a few shots and said it was impossible to do the work.
We had to come with something to make the blemishes go away.
So she brought a few people in the room (a female cleaner, a bodyguard, and a random male who was waiting for something in the corridor) and made me walk in high heels and swimming costume in front of them. A sort of parade. Skin parade.

I really thought that my heart will explode any minute.
The cleaner with long yellow gloves clapped her hands with excitement every time I stumbled and almost broke my neck.
The bodyguard’s expression was impossible to decipher, as he remained impassable for the whole time.
But the random man… wow, that was something completely different than the two above. He looked into my eyes as to see inside my soul, and shed countless of tears. Honestly, his reaction almost made me jump out the window. Pity that the studio was ground floor.

I had to know why was he crying, so I asked, and he replied sobbing like a girl while taking out of his pockets a pair of dark glasses, “I am temporarily blind, dammit! Once in a lifetime opportunity and I cannot see a bloody thing!”

I burst into a huge hysterical laugh and almost peed myself. Ten minutes later, I was good to go.

I won’t keep you further, see for yourself. Just for you to know, the only modification to these pictures were about colour in the first one. All the others are 100% natural.

Please, do not tell my parents, they think I’m a saint. Ha, ha.


This was my first shot - "I am too ashamed."
The second one - "NO, I was mistaken, I can't do it! Leave me alone!"

That's the second time I almost broke my spine. The cleaner was in ecstasy!
About to fell out of the window
Let me know what you think, all right? As you can see, these are quite decent. I can’t turn my respectful blog in a scandalous tabloid.
Plus, I cannot afford to lose my job... just yet.

For the real stuff, you’ll have to wait for the magazine. I think it’s worth it. Ha, ha.

If you are a literary agent, you realise the potential of a writer like me, right?

Update. You do realise it was a joke, right? 1st of April tells you anything?

**
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Thank you. 
See you soon, amazing human being.

2 comments:

  1. Wow Cristina!!! The photos are very glamorous and stylish! Good luck with the publishers ��

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Martine! However, this was a joke. I had these pictures taken by a friend in my house (last September).

      Delete

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