Thursday, 15 January 2015

No feelings...

--- How sad is to not be able to love?!
Does anyone have an answer? An wise one?!

When you love and suffer, you'd wish to have a heart of stone. 
I said, thought and wished that so many times, but then... I laid down and reflected...
--- Would I really want that?!
The answer was always the same:
--- Absolutely NOT! 
"It is sad not to love, but it is much sadder not to be able to love." Miguel de Unamuno
Yes, your love could be for a person who doesn't want it, doesn't deserve it, or is just an impossible love.
--- Can you command your heart? 
I can't! I've tried a few times (who didn't?), but it didn't work or, better saying, it did work, but it took a lot of time and an incredible amount of energy. It left me empty and didn't like the feeling. 

Yes, it would amazing to not suffer, not for love, not for physical or moral issues, but we are made from flesh (some have too much...) and bones ("I am not fat, I am big boned!" Cartman/South Park). We are not made in laboratories, from iron, plastic, wood or paper... We are not robots. 

--- Can you imagine your life without love, without pain, without rage, doubts???! 
Have you ever watched Equilibrium
Give it a try, and you'll have answers to some questions. 

We came into this world because 2 people loved each other very much.
------ It is not always the case, I know, but I chose to believe this, trying to give justice to those who made sacrifices for us. ------

I've got nothing to give... .
I heard this a few times in my life and I swear, my heart made a jump every time, and felt extremely sad for the person who made this statement.
--- How is this possible? What happened to you? It must have been something atrocious.  
I can't stop myself to not feel sorry for you.
I even tried to help, out of presumption, it worked with several people, but with others no: they were happy with having nothing to give.

I do know how emptiness feels like.
I lived this horrible feeling a few times, but just for moments/hours or a day (if I was un/lucky). Looked around, saw my family, my friends, the sun, gorgeous flowers, heard some music and my heart just filled with love.
How can you not feel anything when you see a person laughing or crying?!
I could never answer to this question.
My heart is with you, person who cannot feel emotions, who's got nothing to give, person who are alone deep down in your heart.
I wish I can give you some of my feelings... my heart is full. I am sure I'll be fine, if I could indeed transfer some of my feelings into your heart... but I am not sure you'll want that, or if you could cope with that. Feelings can be really overwhelming  sometimes.
Love gives you hope, strength, joy, pain... makes you feel like everything is possible.
-- How sad it would be to never experiment any of these?

I hope, at least, you can prove love for you... but when a heart is empty... is empty. Sad.
Image from TshirtFactory.

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